The Little Tuna

What makes a restaurant successful? Is it a well executed vision of food profiles and flavor? Is it friendly, passionate and knowledgeable staff? Or, is it in a name?

I had heard good things about The Little Tuna, located on "Restaurant Row" in Haddonfield, NJ, which is why I leaped at the chance to buy $50 worth of food for $25 on LivingSocial a few months back. However, when I got home that same day, in the weekly coupon saver, was a Little Tuna PAGE of coupons. It made me wonder if the restaurant was struggling, which in turn made me wonder about its quality.


Luckily, they (do) do tuna very well.


Let me preface this by saying that I have, thus far in my short relationship with fish, had a very volatile relationship with fish in any raw form. My first meal after becoming a pescatarian, about a year ago, I had sushi- nothing crazy, but some tuna rolls and some salmon ones. Taste-wise it was pretty uninteresting to me (I guess I'm all about the tempura-based sushi), but the real horror was that on the walk home and for the rest of the night, I started swelling up...everywhere. I had a severe allergic reaction- and to what exactly I'll never know- but that's enough to make anyone avoid raw fish.

Seared Tuna wins MVP

But, this tuna was seared, so I decided that I would try some peices off of their appetizer menu, instead of getting a tuna meal, and that it was safe enough.


The Little Tuna offers a series of tuna plates (they make it a point to tell you that it's "sushi-grade") that can be served with (a) wasabi and ginger, (b) jamacian jerk style, or (c), what we got, sesame encrusted. Truly delicious, and not overdone with sesame, the pieces came out a touch before warm with one sesame and one wasabi-based sauce for dipping. The tuna was a great pink, with no sliminess. In the past, I find that tuna in extended slices can get strange in the middle with the flesh tearing in strange, unappealing ways (especially at the moment where cooked meat meets with uncooked), but the transition on these pieces was perfect. I felt that I was actually just enjoying tuna in a very pure form with my own choice to enhance the flavor as much as I wanted. By far, my favorite part of the meal and something I would come back for.

Coconut Crusted Tilapia with Lime (?) Chutney

My main entree wasn't quite as delicious. I ordered the coconut crusted tilapia with a (supposed) lime chutney. I say supposed because the chutney was comprised of apples, and what I can only assume are a bevvy of spices, with (maybe) a squirt of lime over it. Very little lime was there to help cut through the coconut- which was thick and of the sweetened variety. This threw me off because between the reduced apples, the coconut, and the white fish (which was soft, and relatively tasty on their own) left the meal very sweet overall. Relatively delicious, but very strange. I had to salt it quite a bit to help the flavors balance out. The sides were decent- vegetables weren't too over-boiled, and my potato was yummy, as potatoes always are.

The Little Tuna served good food, however the restaurant was inconsistent to the point where it did not live up to my expectations. The Little Tuna did a nice job of creating a feeling of private dining even though most of the seating is an open table style. The tables were draped with immaculate white table clothes and came with its own bottle of imported, bottled water, which I'm sure was not complementary. We were seated immediately and our waiter hurried over. He was very eager, but that didn't make up for his lack of focus/forgetfulness since we ended up waiting for him most of the night. To put this in perspective we started out just getting water, he then said he would bring us bread, he came back and took our appetizer order without bread, reassured us he would bring us bread, came back minutes later with our appetizer with no bread, took our entree order, asked if there was anything else he could do for us, and I replied, "just the bread, please." Five minutes later we had bread. I know this sounds petty, but the point is I must hold The Little Tuna to a higher standard than Ponzio's Diner down the road.

Flounder Stuffed with Lump (?) Crabmeat

For my entree I ordered the Flounder Stuffed with Lump Crabmeat. As a rule, if I have the opportunity to eat more than one animal in an entree, I usually take the opportunity. The flounder was delicious. It was very flaky and tender. It was seasoned with an expected Old Bay-type crab seasoning making it feel very Maryland. Although it made sense it was boring. I expected that the lump crabmeat on the inside would tie everything together and bring the dish to the next level that it should be at. I was met with something I did not order. The lump crabmeat was much closer to a paste crabmeat. It was a bland texture that could have been fulfilled by the delicious garlic mashed potatoes (skin included) next to the fish. The end result tasted like delicious flounder stuffed with mushy crab-flounder. The second side on the plate was a pile of steamed, unseasoned vegetables. It was sadly uninspired and lacked an overall freshness that I look for in seafood. The natural texture and taste of crabmeat is what makes it special when paired with a flaky white fish. Don't pulverize the crab, please. Maybe I'll get a double order of seared tuna next time.

OM-NOM-NOM-NOM-NOM!

Pizza Extravaganza!!

and now, for a change of pace:

Usually Friday is take-out night, but last Friday I was able to get out of work a half an hour early and Chris and I decided we should actually make something since we've been doing very little cooking as of late. We decided to make pizzas, and below outlines our ingredients - all of which were purchased at Wegmans for approximately $45. The following makes FOUR LARGE PIZZAS, with a week's left of leftovers.

Toppings:
Onion (white), large -  sliced as desired, uncooked
Shitake mushrooms - tops only, lightly washed/dried in a paper towel, sauteed with truffle and olive oil 
Italian sausage - taken out of casing, broken into bite-sized pieces, and browned in a frying pan
Broccoli - sliced into bite-sized, crowns only, blanched 
Basil/Pesto mix (comes in an easy to squeeze tube!)

Sauce:
Cento Whole Tomatoes (large)
Cento tomato paste (small)

Sauce was started first and left to simmer over low heat while the rest of the ingredients were being prepared. Whole tomatoes were sliced up (so that they still retained a tomato flavor). The spices were added (see list below) with a heavy emphasis on depth of flavor. Hence, lots of middle of the road flavor (garlic/onion/pepper) and some salt to balance the natural sweetness from the paste. It was important to create a sauce that would go well with both meat-heavy pizzas and vegetarian ones. 


Cheeses:
Gouda (aged 18 months)
Mozzarella
Wegman's "pizza" mix (still not sure what's in it or what makes it a pizza mix)
Cheddar
Blue Cheese - (Note: we bought this, but no one ended up using it. Hence, it's not in the pictures.) 

Spices:
Garlic Powder
Minced Garlic
Onion Powder
Cumin
Black Pepper
Salt

Oven was preheated to 425 degrees. Each pizza varied slightly in baking times, depending on the ingredients, but overall super quick at a reasonable 10-15 minutes.  And the result? Whimsical, personalized, pizzas at a great value.  $45/ 4 people = $11.25 per person for a Friday night meal. See how gorgeous they came out below! 

Italian Sausage, Broccoli, Mixed Cheeses 

Sausage, Onion, topped with a layer of Mixed Cheese (heavy Mozzarella)

ANGRY PIZZA, is angry (Sausage, Mixed Cheese, Sausage, and Two Broccoli Florets)   

Shiitake Mushrooms, Broccoli, Mozzarella/Gouda, Truffle, Pesto

(The New) Maple Hill Restaurant and Maritsa's Part Deux

Two Eggs and Home Fries

I won’t lie. I remember very little from this experience. In fact, I’m pretty sure I went into this meal expecting that it would be forgettable, and thus got my standard 2 eggs with home fries (not even well-done) and wheat toast. If my veggie omelette orders are the basis from which I judge tastiness (eggs  are important to all diners, and the quality/cooking of veggies determines how fresh their produce is/their rudimentary skills of cooking/not overcooking things), then 2 eggs is what I order when I just want to eat breakfast and go. I remember everything being okay, with little happening on the delicious side or the not so delicious side. If anything, I would say that it was very satisfactory, with good prices. It’s very small, with a strong local crowd, so if you want more of a diner where you can hang out with your friends and be left alone, this may be a bit too social for you. However, it’s a great place for a small party (I wouldn’t suggest more than four or five people) to enjoy a quick breakfast. This being said, now that the renovations at Maritsa’s down the street is done, I would recommend that over the Maple Hill restaurant.

Looks Good, Tastes OK.

This restaurant is quite forgettable. Chi and brainstormed for about twenty four hours before we remembered the name of the New Maple Hill Restaurant. Sadly, Chi had even taken a picture of their exterior, but forgotten she had taken it. That was the first time that happened to us. Strangely enough, the food for me, even though boring, was still good. It  was just good though, vanilla, not vanilla bean. I ordered the french toast with sausage patties (always superior to sausage links, right?). The french toast smelled great due to the copious amount of cinnamon, but it was kind of soggy and limp. It tasted good, but it was boring and it was an example of when I left feeling I could have cooked the same dish better than they could have. The sausage links impressed me a little more. I'm used to tiny hockey pucks of sausage at other diners that are overcooked and unfulfilling. At the New Maple Hill, the sausage patties were larger than average and had decent flavor and above average texture. I believed it was real. Unfortunately they still need to work on their cooking time since the patties were brought out to me lukewarm.

Combine the mediocre food with the fact the inside looked like it was put together with glossy plywood and a nail gun, the over all experience left me glad to leave. With the concentration of diners in New Jersey I recommend you head out and explore for a different place to get your breakfast fix.


Chi sums it up perfectly,

If we ate at the NEW Maple Hill Restaurant, it makes me wonder what it used to be like.

Maritsa’s PART DEUX:

Yes, we’ve gone back to Maritsa’s since the muddy mushroom’s incident. I ordered French toast, and it was very soft/buttery although perhaps not as large portion-wise as other places. My home fries were a little too well-done for my liking, because I didn’t ask them to be so. Coffee was good, and the service was faster than last time and our cups never emptied.  The inside is complete (no more random ending to the carpet/stucco-looking walls) and the waitresses were wearing proper uniforms this time. Definitely no longer a place to avoid. We'll have to go back and try something more complex and see how they handle it.


Definitely a better experience at Maritsa's. Good thing my parents really like it or I might not have gone back. My second time around I ordered the short-stack of blueberry pancakes with sausage links and scrambled eggs. The sausage was average. The blueberry pancakes were almost disappointing. They were all loaded with fresh, delicious blueberries and they were cooked to perfection. They were sadly not nearly as tasty as they looked. The blueberry came through nicely, but the sweetness had a watered down taste to it and their Heinz Syrup packets didn't help out with the flavor. When I have blueberries I expect some tartness, and since there was not I left a little suspicious. The eggs, thankfully, stole the show and Maritsa's knows how to cook them right. They were super fluffy and light and buttery. Next time I'm ordering a plate of scrambled eggs and double toast.

Berlin Diner

So Inviting

Chris has been wanting to go to this diner for at least a month, but it's always been just a little too far away to justify after a long day of work. However, last Friday we decided to take an impromptu trip to Atlantic City to celebrate our both being 21-ness, and thus, the opportunity presented itself. At 117 S. White Horse Pike, is the Courier Post's [One of] The Best of South Jersey Berlin Diner.


The layout is strange with the door/host/cashier desk (one and the same) acting almost like an apex to two wings (a left and a right) where booths and tables are. The left side, where we were seated, also has a breakfast bar.

Where's the Veggie Patty?

This menu is full of specials (you get the sense that this is a local favorite) w/ an impressive Early Bird Special that includes a full page of 9.99 meals (entree, two sides, housecake, etc.) This is also why, I assume, that the place was packed at 5:30 PM.


I ordered a veggie burger with some swiss (I think) cheese and mushrooms. I tried to find it on the menu online to reference it, but it must be relatively new burger, because it's not on the menu. It was fine, but fell short of delicious. The bread was dense, and a little crusty, like it had been out for a while. My veggie patty was average, and tasted very similar to the type of veggie meat concoction that Subway uses in its veggie patty subs. My fries were yummy and crispy, so I ate the majority of them. Overall, I enjoyed the service and attention that the waitress paid us more than I really cared for the food. Chris, who tried my slaw for me, said that it was one of the wateriest slaws he ever tried. Wah-wah.

Some Creaminess Would Add Stability

I ended up getting a proper PM meal instead of greasy eggs and sausage and chose my first wrap of this adventure. I was torn between the chicken ceasar and the buffalo chicken, but after a few minutes of self reflection I decided on the latter. The wrap came with french fries, slaw, and a pickle. Sadly for the wrap it was very one dimensional. The actual buffalo sauce that they used was good that it had decent heat and flavor to it, but that's where the train stopped. The next step to making buffalo chicken delicious is adding a creamy element. The two best that I've experienced have been a melted blue cheese or ranch dressing. I've had both in wraps, on pizzas, and as sauces for dipping buffalo chicken wings into. Without the added dimension, the buffalo sauce isn't much of a sauce and instead just spicy, oily, water. So the obvious folly was that the sandwich was completely devoid of creamy goodness, but on a positive note, the fresh grilled chicken was accompanied with fresh tomato and lettuce. It made the wrap more watery, but it lent some acidity and crispiness.

Shiny

The sides fell on the boring side of the excite-o-meter. The french fries were actually cooked nicely with a crunchy exterior and light interior, but I gave them demerits when they also tasted like they had been under a heat lamp for the better part of the hour. The slaw was watered down and had almost no substance to it whatsoever. Sadly, the pickle was drabber than most pickles I've ever seen. I had such high hopes for this place since I pass it every single day. It's very appealing with its bright lights and shiny exterior, but just like the Berlin Diner's food the restaurant lacks substance.

Additional Notes: The Berlin Diner is very shiny and seems to be a popular spot for locals. The average age of everyone else was somewhere in the range of forty to fifty. They must be doing something right for what appears to be customer loyalty. Prices are definitely reasonable. This is not a 24/7 deal and is open until 10pm Sunday through Thursday and 11pm Friday and Saturday.

Want

Joe Pesce

Seven Layer Chocolate Birthday Cake

Happy Birthday to us! Our birthdays fell on the weekend of the biggest winter storm the north east has ever had in the month of October. Now for South Jersey, it wasn't too bad. We had slick roads here and there, a couple of patches of black ice, and a wee bit of accumulation. However we made the decision to not go to a dance competition in North Jersey due to, what we gathered, some pretty nasty weather. That being said it was technically my birthday so we opted for a Silver Spoon instead of our usual Jersey diner. I chose to go to Joe Pesce which is a little intimate seafood restaurant in Collingswood, NJ right on Haddon Ave. I had heard personal stories from outside parties that they can mess up orders or completely forget an order as well. But, I wanted seafood, darn it! So we went.

The snow was thick, heavy, and wet when we ran from our parking spot a block away into the Joe Pesce and we were instantly greeted by the man I assume is the owner. He took very good care of us making sure that the rest of his staff was attentive and helpful. He might have done a little too much over managing in the beginning when he told us all of the specials for the day (which he had memorized like a Shakespeare soliloquy). At the same time, it appeared we were the first guests of the night so while the rest of the staff opened bottles of wine, brought over an ice bucket, and tidied up the rest of the restaurant, the owner made sure we were taken care of.

Grilled Octopus

We started off the meal with a grilled romaine salad (I'll let Chi expound on this one) and some grilled baby octopus which came in a pleasant white sauce. We have admittedly eaten an unusual amount of octopus in the past few months for a couple that resides in Cherry Hill, so we are undoubtedly starting to learn who has the best octo. Unfortunately for Joe Pesce, in comparison to the other two restaurants that have served us this gastropod, theirs comes in third place. The poor little guys were over grilled and the only one that was marginally tender was the largest one on the plate. The problem was that since every octopus was a different size, they ended up cooking everything for the same amount of time, but different thicknesses of meat will cook at different rates (it's a surface area to volume thing). The largest octopus was very good, though. It had a great char on it with a superb grill flavor, but the other little ones brought down the entire dish.

Whole Dorado in Scampi Sauce

For my main course I ordered the whole fish of dorado in a scampi sauce. My fish was not deboned at the table but whoever finished the deed behind the curtain did a decent job. I found maybe three bones in the entire dish, but having caught and filleted fish myself, I know that sometimes bones are missed, and I also know to eat deboned fish carefully. The sauce was delicious and light and really complimented the buttery, oily taste of the dorado. The meat was very tender and the quantity surprised, since the last time I ordered whole fish I was left hungry. There's not much else to say when you're served quality seafood. You can tell the fish is fresh when it's not fishy.

First of all, I apologize for the poor quality of photos. Joe Pesce's is very dark with soft lighting which is a great settling for intimate dinners, but not so much for amateur food photography, especially when you just have your smart phone. I wasn't brave enough to use my flash.


It's a small restaurant, with plenty of staff- it seems as if there is one main cook with a myriad of waiters who also finish meals, filet whole-fish, slice up salads, etc. The low bar/exposed kitchen wall allows you (if you wanted) to walk up and watch your meal being cooked.


Their specialty is fish, cooked to order either as the whole fish or a filet, with a choice from several saucy finishes. I want to say that the menu pairings of fish and flavors was thoughtful, but I can't fully recall because we all ordered specials. In fact, I'm not even completely sure that we opened our menus. Just to give you an overall sense of our fishy adventure, Chris's father ordered the Mediterranean Branzino, his mother ordered the (wild [really?]) salmon, Chris ordered the dorado as referenced above, and finally I ordered the strange monk fish  It's apparently a pretty ugly fish- but I believe in inner beauty tastiness.

Beautiful Monkfish 

The appetizers we ordered were specials as well and the one I found particularly tasty was their grilled romaine salad (with crab meat/shrimp) in a homemade Caesar dressing. "I know it's Romaine," the waiter said, "but trust me."


We did and noms ensued. Firstly, presentation-wise, this salad is very daunting as it's a full (large) head of romaine that comes out hot, hot, hot, but not still crunchy with very little collateral wilt. Our waiter put in the extra effort to divide it for the four of us, and even though it serves two, I would say that all four of us received a very good amount. The dressing was creamy, but tangy which helped cut the grilled flavor and kept the salad from tasting too rich. Honestly, I found the crab and shrimp to afterthoughts to the actual salad, which is good in the sense that they accomplished in making the romaine the focus.

Monkfish's Side of Zucchini and Potato

Though the lighting is humble, this is a picture of my monk fish as it came out to me on a bed of arugula with a mango topping (like a chutney). Simple, but all that was needed since it turns out this type of fish is very hearty. The filet tasted like it was dark meat, with a distinctive strip of fat (almost of tendon-consistency) throughout the middle. It was very strange textually, but definitely kept me interested. Since then, I've learned that monk fish is often referred to as "the poor man's veal/lobster", depending on your personal experience. I would definitely agree to this in saying that it felt like i was eating some strange hybrid of fish and meat, which was probably the thing that turned me off (since I don't eat meat). Overall, the flavors were delicious, and I ate all of it happily.

Sides were yummy- but expected and boring. Mash potatoes were creamy and not too bland, and not too salty. Zucchini was grilled well, but at the end of the day, it's a cheap vegetable side. I would have preferred some dark greens to go with the dark fish, but maybe I'm thinking too inside of the box.

We then ordered two desserts on top of our meal; the cheesecake and the chocolate cake. The cheesecake was a healthy serving (one giant piece served as two). It tasted like three quarters creamy cheesecake and one quarter creme brulee, like they had torched the top of it a bit. As for the crust, it was a classic, thick graham cracker crust. A very decadent and filling dish. The chocolate cake was impressive itself. It was seven layer chocolate cake that managed the impressive feat of having a very rich dark chocolate flavor balanced with sweet, milk chocolate tones which kept each bite from becoming dull and redundant.

Additional Notes: Classic BYOB in Collingswood, so drink up but get home safe. It's a small space so make sure you make reservations ahead of time. The price is what you would expect for a menu that is comprised of mostly specials that are completely original and homemade.

Merchantville Diner

Doesn't Get Much Cuter

You know you’ve hit a stride- or not- when your family bribes you off the couch on a Saturday morning with the promise of going out to breakfast. “We’re going to the Merchanville Diner”, Chris’s father said, “You  haven’t been there yet”.

Well, that’s true. We turned off Dogs 101 and got dressed.

This diner is pretty close to Maritsa’s (see our review here) and similarly provides the cheap eats in a small space. With a cute hanging sign store front an eight-seater (breakfast) bar that lines the entirety of one side, it certainly looked cute enough. Our waitress however, was anything but. She definitely did not look happy to be there, and it reflected poorly in her actual service, monotone voice, and lack of punctuality after we had finished our meals.

The menu is standard- consisting of eggs-your-way, omelettes, French toast, and pancakes with crepe and Belgian waffles thrown in there for fun. However, unlike many other diners right now, I could not find any special seasonal pumpkin-flavored items. Disappointing.

Broccoli Omelette

A boring menu calls for a boring order: broccoli omelette. I fought with getting another vegetarian-egg dish but caved because their omelette specials provided for the most food. (Approximately 8 bucks for an omelette, toast, homefries, with coffee and a juice). I thought mine was pretty unflavored- unsalted, un-peppered, no onions for added greasy-noms, etc. It was huge- they claimed 3-eggs per omelette, but I suspect it was more like four. I ended up picking at it, and focusing more on my home fries (decent) and our basket of toast that needed to be conquered.  The coffee mugs were also very large, rivaling the ones at the (awful) Somerville Diner, but the coffee was thankfully milder, and more aromatic. It was much more reminiscent of what I think of when I think of a house blend- it seemed as if Somerville’s was some kind of distinct regional blend that was brewed incorrectly. My OJ was, you know, OJ.

Bread Basket for the Table

Food was decent, but completely unforgettable as was the service, and overall experience. Just as a FYI, we ended waiting around for about fifteen minutes after all of us had stopped touching our plates to be acknowledged.  I actually think I prefer Maritsa’s, even with their muddy mushrooms.

Scrapple, Eggs, and Potatoes: A Portrait

It is a bit strange that my parents tend to gravitate toward these small, non-shiny, main street locations (I guess I still see chrome whenever I think of a diner). The service was upsetting and our waitress, after I ordered, seemed to become even more dejected as if what I ordered inconvenienced her in some way. Aside from that my two scrambled eggs, home fries, and scrapple were all done very well. It was by no means my favorite meal, but everything on the table was consistently good. I think the real power of consistency is that if one thing is wrong, it can ruin an entire meal especially when we're only dealing with eggs and potatoes. My scrabbled egg situation was similar to Chi's omelette in that we were looking at more than the two eggs advertised on the menu, however they were super fluffy albeit they were slightly on the runny side. The home fries seemed a little more "mashed" than other places which i supposed made them a little smoother even with a nice crisp on the outside. I was surprised by the scrapple. I ordered this item on a complete whim (maybe sausage is getting boring) and before the Merchantville Diner the only other scrapple I've ever had and liked was at the White House Restaurant on Camden Ave and Lenola Rd. Merchantville's was in the ballpark. The outside was super crispy and the inside was creamy and piping hot with a little bit of spice.

Normal Interior

Elvis

Additional Notes: They have short hours, 7am-9pm Monday through Saturday, and 7am-3pm on Sunday. Sides are cheaper here than Marlton Diner. If you've never had scrapple you should try it next time, it's a bit of a mystery meat but it's also a classic and unique to the NJ Diner scene. If it's still too far out for you, go with pork roll (more of a philly thing). People as close as Harrisburg don't know what pork roll is. Also included in the interior is a cut out of Elvis watching you eat...creepy.

Somerville Diner

Getting to the Somerville Diner was much more complicated than it should have been. We started our journey from Pennsauken with every intent to head north into Hillsborough for our practice and lessons. We decided to use our trusty GPS once we got on the road to find a diner (hoping there would be another gem off of 295). I plugged our destination into the GPS in hopes that it would take me to 295, but instead Mr. TomTom decided our best bet to get to north Jersey would be to cross over the Walt Whitman and jump on 95 (without asking me if I would like to avoid toll roads), and make me throw away five dollars on the toll. The adventure continues when about halfway between Philadelphia and Trenton we decide to start looking for a diner.

Fourth Time's the Charm

At this point we still trusted TomTom so we plugged in "diner" and our first result was Croydon Family Diner in Bensalem, PA. Wonderful. We drive for twenty minutes off 95 through neighborhoods and back roads until we get to a dead end road with no diner at the end. Upon further research, the Croydon Family Diner cannot be found on Google Maps, it probably no longer exists. So now we're in a nice suburb area which means there's got to be a nice greasy spoon close by and TomTom tells us to go to the Blue Fountain Diner in Langhorne, PA. it's off the old Lincoln Highway and after a bit of driving we are once again taken to another dead end road (much creepier this time) with no diners to be seen. We then discussed the chances that something out of a horror movie was going to happen and we decide to get the hell out of Pennsylvania since they apparently don't have diners anymore (further investigation makes me believe that TomTom was under the impression that Blue Fountain was on a different Lincoln Highway). After getting into Jersey we decide to try one more time, and the nearest diner from the border on our way to Hillsborough (not including Red Oak and Hillsborough Star) was the Jersey Diner about a mile past our destination. Guess what? It doesn't exist. At this point we freak out, decide that Time to Eat Diner is up the road (we've been planning to eat there a while now) and on our way there the Somerville Diner pops up like a gift from God. We pulled into the parking lot scowling at TomTom.

Meatball Sub

I unfortunately do not have much to say about this diner and it is, sadly, quite forgettable. I decided to order something familiar and got a meatball sub (on a club roll served with fries) and upon ordering the waitress called me out asking me if that was even on the menu and the telling me that they probably don't even have rolls. Really? Upon showing her that I ordered a real entree, she admitted, "oh we must have the rolls then," facepalm. The sandwich itself was good. The bread was delicious even if it didn't hold the sandwich together (I ended up finishing with a fork and knife), the sauce was zesty and fresh, and everything was covered in melted provolone cheese. The meatball was definitely a step up from the Club Diner's meatballs but Somerville had it's shortcomings. Even though they had superb texture and decent taste, they were still over sized for the sandwich and altogether too dry (especially with the thick roll they used). My fries were served to me warm and even had an "I've been sitting around too long" texture. They were passable with a copious amount of ketchup.


This was a classic case of ‘should have quit while you’re behind’. At first I was completely enamored by the Somerville Diner, which seemed to appear out of nowhere to save us from our hungry, hungry fate. The décor made me feel welcome, and the hostess/waitress made me feel adored. But apparently, it was my stomach that must have overtook my brain’s capacity for perception because little did I know I was walking into a place that was just a little too-cute.

Florentine Omelette

In an attempt to expand my horizons, I ordered a Florentine omelette- spinach, sautéed onions, and feta cheese, folded into 3 fluffy eggs for a little under 8 bucks. AND, it came with toast and home fries! (Can you tell I’m still recovering from Marlton-diner sticker-shock?) Then, she came out with GIANT coffee mugs (which ended up costing $1.79 apiece), which we soon discovered to be filled with burnt-woody, dark coffee. I liked it more than Chris who barely took a second sip.

We’ll start with the good: My omelette was delish. I was afraid of the cook going overboard and loading my omelette with feta. I had imagined in my head some worst-case-scenario of not quite done eggs with cheese just spills onto everything after you cut into it. (This is why I don’t order cheese in omelettes usually). But, the feta was very light, and served only to enhance the fresh spinach leaves (left whole and un-mushy from being handled). Toast was lazily prepared with a disproportionate amount of butter on every piece. Also note that I got two pieces of toast physically on my plate and then a side of two more, leaving me with FOUR (or eight, depending on how you look at it) pieces! Ridiculous.

Clean, Homey Interior

But here’s the kicker: Chris had said it best when he said that this place looks like it’s in desperate need of a Tabitha Takeover (shameless plug for faboosh Bravo reality show). Clearly there are deep-set issues between management and staff. A manager, dressed not much better than the waitresses, was helicopter-parenting all around the floor looking at their actions, coming up to tables to monitor and seemingly find faults and someone to blame them on. Twice he came up to us to ask if we had needed anything, after our waitress had already been by to check in. I’m a firm believer of the management should work behind the scenes and not be seen too often, so it put me off when he asked us if “we ever got [our] water” when we had in fact, not ordered water.

It became clear that this distrust was mutual, because soon everybody’s demeanor did a 180 and I no longer felt like my dining experience was a priority. Our waitress turned into a Debbie downer, complaining about her boss riding her, and making excuses for her lagging service on his involvement. It was like watching a disgruntled father trying to handle angsty teenage daughters, except that they were too old to be doing this. And so were we.

Hotdogs?

I’m a firm believer that whatever went down in the back of the house should be left once you hit the dining area. You are on the same team, and if it’s not all smiles than it certainly shouldn’t be a room full of scowls. Nobody can digest Sunday Brunch on a stomach full of dysfunction.

FYI: This place doubles as a Nathan’s Hot Dog (um…strange) but I will say that for the 40-some minutes we were there, nobody came in to eat one. They advertise “Famous Texas-Style BBQ Ribs”- a daily special for $14.99 that includes a full rack, fries, soup de jour and choice of dessert.

Perhaps we just caught them on a particularly grumpy day, but since I’m not a meat-eater, I will not be revisiting this one anytime soon. We’ll be heading to the other diner near Somerville, The Time to Eat Diner, soon to compare. Stay tuned.

Marlton Diner

Flashy

The Marlton Diner's reputation precedes it with its multiple accolades as "Best of [insert location]" by a few local papers, including the Courier Post. One gets the sense that it knows just how popular and appealing it is, despite not being around as long as its competitors in the area. But just like the popular kids of our pasts, I felt the attitude to be complacent, vaguely shallow, and with a skewed sense of what things actually cost. It gleans off of Route 70 (in Marlton) like a prized baby blue convertible. (Yes, I quoted Santa Baby, but yes, it was kind-of teal).

French Toast, Eggs Over Medium

Chris's parents took us out for Saturday breakfast and since they paid, you would think I could just focus on the experience and critique the quality of food, but I can't. While breakfast meals cost about the same as they do at any other diner, many items didn't come in the popular combos that they traditionally do, or at those combo prices. For example, I ordered their french toast which came out to a little under $6, but as you can see, there's only the (3) pieces of toast, with butter and individual packages of syrup. I ordered a side of two eggs over medium, which cost me almost an extra two bucks. It wasn't terrible, just clearly not a bargain, which is something I've come to expect (perhaps unfairely) from diners. Plan your meals carefully and they can cost the same as they do anywhere else, but double check your sides, especially your meat-based ones.


I will say that the french toast was delicious with the pefect ratio of toast to egg. I think that I would been happier if they had just upgraded me to a bottle of syrup on the table instead of packets tacked on the side, but since I like my toast more buttery than sweet anyways, I can't really say it hindered my enjoyment. As usual by over medium eggs were runny and boring. But maybe ordering eggs over medium is boring...

Exhibit A

I wanted to order their french toast and eggs special (with coffee and juice) and then order a side of sausage. The combo of just french toast and eggs was eight dollars, a side of sausage was four dollars. Four dollars for sausage links. Four dollars. Until this diner, the most expensive side of sausage I've seen was two dollars and fifty cents. I guess having a building painted like a '50s Chevy made the Marlton Diner feel entitled to overcharge it's customers. Now that I've gotten that off my chest I must admit that they seated us rather quickly for showing up on a busy Saturday morning, and our waitress was very patient with our slightly indecisive party. The atmosphere was pleasant enough with classic diner feel and booths packed with families and old timers, the Marlton Diner clearly has their own set of regulars.

French Toast with Four Dollar Sausage

With good company at the table our food seemed to come out fairly quickly. Three pieces of french toast bordered by four sausage links. I'm a butter and syrup man, so I slathered up the slices and went to work. Let me tell you, this french toast was good enough to stand up by itself and I would go back to the Marton Diner just to order a short stack. There were three things that made this french toast better than other diners. The first key for yumminess is thickness of the bread. Most diners advertise super think slices of Texas toast. Well, that means the egg won't be able to get to the middle of the bread (there's a surface area to volume ratio theory that is important for diffusion) and that means half of what your eating is a core of warm bread. Marlton used more than Wonder Bread, but they didn't over do it, which made their french toast one hundred percent french toast. The second high point of their french toast was the perfection of "toasting." The Marlton Diner made sure that the outside reached it's nice golden brown exterior without overcooking the middle of the french toast remained soft, moist and delicious. The third golden start I'm going to give them is for not skimping me on butter. The amount of butter they gave us looked like miniature fluffy clouds. As for the sausage (the four dollar sausage) it was mediocre. Nothing about it screamed "I'm better than Jimmy Dean!" which solidified my previous statement, I would come back to get just the short stack of french toast.

Additional notes:
Apparently the Marlton Diner doubles as a museum and contains an antique cash register and jukebox, but don't touch them. Also, they sell giant, soft chocolate-chip cookies, buy one. The place was family-friendly full of Halloween decorations with clean, dry booths. If you can get over the $4.00 a side thing, might be worth a trip.

All Sides are Four Dollars

Like Mean Girls, being popular comes with rules. No subsituting your potatoes for fruit cups (waitress denied Chris's mother), or sharing (unless you want to pay $2.00 a plate), and always, always wear pink on Fridays.

Calorie Counting is No Way to Live

Hamilton Family Diner

What a weekend! Chi and I just finished our first ballroom competition of the season (with mixed results) so, naturally, we were hungry. Guess what happened next? Yup, Chi plugged diner into the TomTom and we were off to Trenton. This gem (giving my verdict up early) is located on Nottingham Way just off of exit 63 on 295. We rolled in at around eight thirty at night and I honestly was unsure if it was open. It was a Saturday, the lights didn't seem to bright, there weren't too many cars in the parking lot, and at first I couldn't see anyone inside. The door was unlocked and we were seated at a booth near the front door.

More Chicken Salad than Anticipated

We were exhausted and I was in the need for something home made, fast, and fulfilling. I bounced between entrees for a while, "should I get the fish and chips or the chicken cordon bleu?" Then I saw that double decker sandwiches came with fries, slaw, a pickle, soup, and dessert for six bucks. Sold. They had chicken salad and I was all in. The fries were fried nicely and had a crispy exterior, and after a long day I was happy to know they had just been taken out of the fryer. The sandwich definitely stole the show on my plate. Besides the obvious chicken salad the sandwich was also packed with thick bacon and fresh crispy lettuce and tomato. For the chicken, think of a double scoop sized portion, that's how stuffed the sandwich was. I opted for rye bread without asking what my options were, but I'm sure the diner has the standard white and wheat bread as well. I was mostly impressed with the price of my meal since the chicken salad itself, although delicious, was not the best I've tasted. While the chicken taste was there, the texture of the salad was very pasty, and I'm from the school of chunky chicken salad. Because of the pastiness, I couldn't help being suspicious of how much my chicken salad was actually chicken and not filler. I'll let you go and get back to me with your opinion.

Chocolate Ice Cream, We Think

As for dessert, the selection is nothing to brag about. Just a couple of weeks ago, Chi and I were at the Club Diner on the Black Horse Pike and we had pie included on our ticket price! Pie! This time, our options were pudding, jell-o, and ice cream. Wahh Wahh Wahhhh. I went with chocolate ice cream. It was weird, there was something off about it, like it was aged ice cream with possible freezer burn. I ate half of  mine, but if it wasn't for the long weekend I'm sure I would have only given it a taste.

Sleepy Sleepy Sleepy

I know we have been to a sleepy diner before (see our Red Oak Diner and Bakery post) but this one was truly sad. Considering the fact that it was prime-time dinner time on a Saturday night when we visited, there was no one there. For the duration of our 45-minute meal nobody came. Three employees occupied the forlorn (but clean) space, checking their phones, taking multiple smoke breaks and eating food they created for themselves. The one who waited on us was friendly enough, and was kind enough to brew us fresh coffee...but I assume only because there was none already made. I always worry about the financial stability of diners, and I would be more sympathetic to the Hamilton Family Diner if it wasn't for the fact that they looked as if they couldn't care less.

Cream of Broccoli

It's a shame because the quality of their food is actually better than average, despite their appearance. Both Chris and I opted for the soup option of our meals, and we both picked cream of broccoli which seemed like the healthy option. Turns out it was pretty tasty too! Temperature wise, it was kind of complacently warm, but it was truly creamy and hearty, like a chowder should be, with a healthy amount of broccoli bits.

Somewhere Beneath the Chips is Fish

I convinced Chris to let me have the fish and chips, and I'm really thankful he did. This was the flakiest, softest fried-fish I've ever tasted. It fell apart like tongue-burning butter, almost like a halibut would as opposed to the typical cod. I waited for a chance to ask someone about it, but our waitress made herself virtually unavailable until I lost interest. I hear that this is how the West Coast does fish and chips, but I need someone to confirm this. Delicious, hot, and with a good amount on the plate, I really couldn't ask for more. The tartar sauce was strange, almost as if it had been over-dressed with extra dill, perhaps a hint of mint, and ultimately distracting to the fish rather than enhancing.


Also, note that they have a very unoriginal and limited scope on the idea of 'sides'. I was asked what sides I wanted and before I could really reply, our waitress suggested that I just get double-fries. Yummy, but you know, not what I need with a meal that already, by default, consists of half a plate of them. I later found out through evesdropping that their sides for the night were broccoli, carrots, or mixed veggies. Um, yeah...not so much.

Additional notes:
I had half of my sandwich as leftover two days later, and it was still delicious. The exterior looks like a Christmas tree. Seriously.

Fa la la la la, la la la la

Stratford Diner

Finding ourselves with a free Saturday morning (less a product of our eased schedules and more of our internal clocks not letting us sleep in on the weekends), Chris and I decided to head to see if the Stratford Diner could settle our rumbling tummies. It’s located in Stratford on the White Horse Pike (Route 30).

I bought a paper and sat down as I listened to other patrons chat lively about some cat with two faces that was in the Courier Post (a local Cherry Hill-based publication). Our warm waitress soon greeted us and our dining experience begun!

"Two Eggs" Special

As far as straightforward breakfast experiences go, I think this was pretty much a standard to which others could be judged. I remember thinking, like Goldilocks, this coffee is not too hot, and it’s not too cold! Besides being just a smidge pricey compared to other Philadelphia suburb diners (except for maybe Ponzios), their options were pretty standard. I opted to go big or go home, ordering their “Two Eggs” special: 2 eggs (over medium), toast, hash browns (well-done) and then a short stack of their advertised pumpkin hotcakes. Tis the season, you know. My eggs weren’t done enough, which is a common problem. I suppose each cook in the back must have some personal perception of when an egg is truly at its different stages…I want to take a survey with pictures, a la “Classify these eggs! Easy, Medium, or Hard?”

Pumpkin Hot Cakes

My pieces of toast were well buttered and not too toasted, as I find can be a problem when you request wheat. My hash browns were decent, but not quite texturally satisfying or buttery enough to write home about. And lastly, I tackled my pumpkin hotcakes. I’m not a fan of pancakes, but I am of pumpkin, so I went into it really wanting some pumpkin flavor to shine through. It didn’t strike me as especially flavorful, until I tried Chris’s regular buttermilk pancakes for comparison. I definitely preferred mine, even if it didn’t initially strike me as tasty.

While I could say I had a good meal, I can’t quite say it was particularly memorable or enjoyable. Just that it was very satisfactory, and that I would go back. Perhaps my meal was dampened by a family sitting directly behind me that were awing and ga-ga goo-goo-ing over a baby boy dressed in all Phillies gear and being bounced around to various waitresses, including ours.

"Hungry Man" Special

Chi's meal might have been satisfactory, but mine was just below satisfactory. The real highlight of the experience (for me) was our waitress who (yes, she did get distracted by a baby) took the initiative to save me a couple of bucks. I went with my standard as well (it was the morning) and ordered two eggs over medium, home fries (no with onion, green pepper, and American cheese), and sausage. Go big or go home was apparently the mantra of the morning so I ordered a short stack of hot cakes as well. What can I say? I was craving them. What I didn't notice was that there was a "Hungry Man" breakfast entree, which was everything I ordered, plus coffee, and sans coffee. She walked back to the table after recalling the menu and let me know of the price difference. I took her suggestion and she ended up keeping two dollars in my pocket.

Buttermilk Hot Cakes

Let me start with the hot cakes. Unfortunately these three (beautiful) hot cakes were a bit on the overcooked, chewy side. They ended up being too dense with no fluffiness to support them. Needless to say they were a letdown and after taking a bite of Chi's pumpkin hot cakes I realized how much better hers were. In comparison, mine were bland. My eggs seemed to come out a little more well done than Chi's even though I also ordered mine medium. The second letdown of the meal was my sausages and bacon. It's hard to really describe the taste of the sausage, sausage-y I suppose, but it had a sour background that was just out of place. I ended up only taking one bite of the second link and decided I couldn't finish. The bacon definitely tasted better but it was in between being crispy and chewy and ended up with a hard rubber texture. The home fries were good, but like stated above, there seemed to be a textural issue. They came out extra crispy in some places making them a little hard to eat. However, I still recommend throwing the onion, pepper, and cheese into your home fries from now on.

Interior

Someone remind us to come back here sooner rather than later, otherwise it may call into that awkward, likeable but not desirable realm of restaurants a.k.a. the friend-zone of diners.

In other news, GO PHILLIES!