Merchantville Diner

Doesn't Get Much Cuter

You know you’ve hit a stride- or not- when your family bribes you off the couch on a Saturday morning with the promise of going out to breakfast. “We’re going to the Merchanville Diner”, Chris’s father said, “You  haven’t been there yet”.

Well, that’s true. We turned off Dogs 101 and got dressed.

This diner is pretty close to Maritsa’s (see our review here) and similarly provides the cheap eats in a small space. With a cute hanging sign store front an eight-seater (breakfast) bar that lines the entirety of one side, it certainly looked cute enough. Our waitress however, was anything but. She definitely did not look happy to be there, and it reflected poorly in her actual service, monotone voice, and lack of punctuality after we had finished our meals.

The menu is standard- consisting of eggs-your-way, omelettes, French toast, and pancakes with crepe and Belgian waffles thrown in there for fun. However, unlike many other diners right now, I could not find any special seasonal pumpkin-flavored items. Disappointing.

Broccoli Omelette

A boring menu calls for a boring order: broccoli omelette. I fought with getting another vegetarian-egg dish but caved because their omelette specials provided for the most food. (Approximately 8 bucks for an omelette, toast, homefries, with coffee and a juice). I thought mine was pretty unflavored- unsalted, un-peppered, no onions for added greasy-noms, etc. It was huge- they claimed 3-eggs per omelette, but I suspect it was more like four. I ended up picking at it, and focusing more on my home fries (decent) and our basket of toast that needed to be conquered.  The coffee mugs were also very large, rivaling the ones at the (awful) Somerville Diner, but the coffee was thankfully milder, and more aromatic. It was much more reminiscent of what I think of when I think of a house blend- it seemed as if Somerville’s was some kind of distinct regional blend that was brewed incorrectly. My OJ was, you know, OJ.

Bread Basket for the Table

Food was decent, but completely unforgettable as was the service, and overall experience. Just as a FYI, we ended waiting around for about fifteen minutes after all of us had stopped touching our plates to be acknowledged.  I actually think I prefer Maritsa’s, even with their muddy mushrooms.

Scrapple, Eggs, and Potatoes: A Portrait

It is a bit strange that my parents tend to gravitate toward these small, non-shiny, main street locations (I guess I still see chrome whenever I think of a diner). The service was upsetting and our waitress, after I ordered, seemed to become even more dejected as if what I ordered inconvenienced her in some way. Aside from that my two scrambled eggs, home fries, and scrapple were all done very well. It was by no means my favorite meal, but everything on the table was consistently good. I think the real power of consistency is that if one thing is wrong, it can ruin an entire meal especially when we're only dealing with eggs and potatoes. My scrabbled egg situation was similar to Chi's omelette in that we were looking at more than the two eggs advertised on the menu, however they were super fluffy albeit they were slightly on the runny side. The home fries seemed a little more "mashed" than other places which i supposed made them a little smoother even with a nice crisp on the outside. I was surprised by the scrapple. I ordered this item on a complete whim (maybe sausage is getting boring) and before the Merchantville Diner the only other scrapple I've ever had and liked was at the White House Restaurant on Camden Ave and Lenola Rd. Merchantville's was in the ballpark. The outside was super crispy and the inside was creamy and piping hot with a little bit of spice.

Normal Interior

Elvis

Additional Notes: They have short hours, 7am-9pm Monday through Saturday, and 7am-3pm on Sunday. Sides are cheaper here than Marlton Diner. If you've never had scrapple you should try it next time, it's a bit of a mystery meat but it's also a classic and unique to the NJ Diner scene. If it's still too far out for you, go with pork roll (more of a philly thing). People as close as Harrisburg don't know what pork roll is. Also included in the interior is a cut out of Elvis watching you eat...creepy.

Somerville Diner

Getting to the Somerville Diner was much more complicated than it should have been. We started our journey from Pennsauken with every intent to head north into Hillsborough for our practice and lessons. We decided to use our trusty GPS once we got on the road to find a diner (hoping there would be another gem off of 295). I plugged our destination into the GPS in hopes that it would take me to 295, but instead Mr. TomTom decided our best bet to get to north Jersey would be to cross over the Walt Whitman and jump on 95 (without asking me if I would like to avoid toll roads), and make me throw away five dollars on the toll. The adventure continues when about halfway between Philadelphia and Trenton we decide to start looking for a diner.

Fourth Time's the Charm

At this point we still trusted TomTom so we plugged in "diner" and our first result was Croydon Family Diner in Bensalem, PA. Wonderful. We drive for twenty minutes off 95 through neighborhoods and back roads until we get to a dead end road with no diner at the end. Upon further research, the Croydon Family Diner cannot be found on Google Maps, it probably no longer exists. So now we're in a nice suburb area which means there's got to be a nice greasy spoon close by and TomTom tells us to go to the Blue Fountain Diner in Langhorne, PA. it's off the old Lincoln Highway and after a bit of driving we are once again taken to another dead end road (much creepier this time) with no diners to be seen. We then discussed the chances that something out of a horror movie was going to happen and we decide to get the hell out of Pennsylvania since they apparently don't have diners anymore (further investigation makes me believe that TomTom was under the impression that Blue Fountain was on a different Lincoln Highway). After getting into Jersey we decide to try one more time, and the nearest diner from the border on our way to Hillsborough (not including Red Oak and Hillsborough Star) was the Jersey Diner about a mile past our destination. Guess what? It doesn't exist. At this point we freak out, decide that Time to Eat Diner is up the road (we've been planning to eat there a while now) and on our way there the Somerville Diner pops up like a gift from God. We pulled into the parking lot scowling at TomTom.

Meatball Sub

I unfortunately do not have much to say about this diner and it is, sadly, quite forgettable. I decided to order something familiar and got a meatball sub (on a club roll served with fries) and upon ordering the waitress called me out asking me if that was even on the menu and the telling me that they probably don't even have rolls. Really? Upon showing her that I ordered a real entree, she admitted, "oh we must have the rolls then," facepalm. The sandwich itself was good. The bread was delicious even if it didn't hold the sandwich together (I ended up finishing with a fork and knife), the sauce was zesty and fresh, and everything was covered in melted provolone cheese. The meatball was definitely a step up from the Club Diner's meatballs but Somerville had it's shortcomings. Even though they had superb texture and decent taste, they were still over sized for the sandwich and altogether too dry (especially with the thick roll they used). My fries were served to me warm and even had an "I've been sitting around too long" texture. They were passable with a copious amount of ketchup.


This was a classic case of ‘should have quit while you’re behind’. At first I was completely enamored by the Somerville Diner, which seemed to appear out of nowhere to save us from our hungry, hungry fate. The décor made me feel welcome, and the hostess/waitress made me feel adored. But apparently, it was my stomach that must have overtook my brain’s capacity for perception because little did I know I was walking into a place that was just a little too-cute.

Florentine Omelette

In an attempt to expand my horizons, I ordered a Florentine omelette- spinach, sautéed onions, and feta cheese, folded into 3 fluffy eggs for a little under 8 bucks. AND, it came with toast and home fries! (Can you tell I’m still recovering from Marlton-diner sticker-shock?) Then, she came out with GIANT coffee mugs (which ended up costing $1.79 apiece), which we soon discovered to be filled with burnt-woody, dark coffee. I liked it more than Chris who barely took a second sip.

We’ll start with the good: My omelette was delish. I was afraid of the cook going overboard and loading my omelette with feta. I had imagined in my head some worst-case-scenario of not quite done eggs with cheese just spills onto everything after you cut into it. (This is why I don’t order cheese in omelettes usually). But, the feta was very light, and served only to enhance the fresh spinach leaves (left whole and un-mushy from being handled). Toast was lazily prepared with a disproportionate amount of butter on every piece. Also note that I got two pieces of toast physically on my plate and then a side of two more, leaving me with FOUR (or eight, depending on how you look at it) pieces! Ridiculous.

Clean, Homey Interior

But here’s the kicker: Chris had said it best when he said that this place looks like it’s in desperate need of a Tabitha Takeover (shameless plug for faboosh Bravo reality show). Clearly there are deep-set issues between management and staff. A manager, dressed not much better than the waitresses, was helicopter-parenting all around the floor looking at their actions, coming up to tables to monitor and seemingly find faults and someone to blame them on. Twice he came up to us to ask if we had needed anything, after our waitress had already been by to check in. I’m a firm believer of the management should work behind the scenes and not be seen too often, so it put me off when he asked us if “we ever got [our] water” when we had in fact, not ordered water.

It became clear that this distrust was mutual, because soon everybody’s demeanor did a 180 and I no longer felt like my dining experience was a priority. Our waitress turned into a Debbie downer, complaining about her boss riding her, and making excuses for her lagging service on his involvement. It was like watching a disgruntled father trying to handle angsty teenage daughters, except that they were too old to be doing this. And so were we.

Hotdogs?

I’m a firm believer that whatever went down in the back of the house should be left once you hit the dining area. You are on the same team, and if it’s not all smiles than it certainly shouldn’t be a room full of scowls. Nobody can digest Sunday Brunch on a stomach full of dysfunction.

FYI: This place doubles as a Nathan’s Hot Dog (um…strange) but I will say that for the 40-some minutes we were there, nobody came in to eat one. They advertise “Famous Texas-Style BBQ Ribs”- a daily special for $14.99 that includes a full rack, fries, soup de jour and choice of dessert.

Perhaps we just caught them on a particularly grumpy day, but since I’m not a meat-eater, I will not be revisiting this one anytime soon. We’ll be heading to the other diner near Somerville, The Time to Eat Diner, soon to compare. Stay tuned.

Marlton Diner

Flashy

The Marlton Diner's reputation precedes it with its multiple accolades as "Best of [insert location]" by a few local papers, including the Courier Post. One gets the sense that it knows just how popular and appealing it is, despite not being around as long as its competitors in the area. But just like the popular kids of our pasts, I felt the attitude to be complacent, vaguely shallow, and with a skewed sense of what things actually cost. It gleans off of Route 70 (in Marlton) like a prized baby blue convertible. (Yes, I quoted Santa Baby, but yes, it was kind-of teal).

French Toast, Eggs Over Medium

Chris's parents took us out for Saturday breakfast and since they paid, you would think I could just focus on the experience and critique the quality of food, but I can't. While breakfast meals cost about the same as they do at any other diner, many items didn't come in the popular combos that they traditionally do, or at those combo prices. For example, I ordered their french toast which came out to a little under $6, but as you can see, there's only the (3) pieces of toast, with butter and individual packages of syrup. I ordered a side of two eggs over medium, which cost me almost an extra two bucks. It wasn't terrible, just clearly not a bargain, which is something I've come to expect (perhaps unfairely) from diners. Plan your meals carefully and they can cost the same as they do anywhere else, but double check your sides, especially your meat-based ones.


I will say that the french toast was delicious with the pefect ratio of toast to egg. I think that I would been happier if they had just upgraded me to a bottle of syrup on the table instead of packets tacked on the side, but since I like my toast more buttery than sweet anyways, I can't really say it hindered my enjoyment. As usual by over medium eggs were runny and boring. But maybe ordering eggs over medium is boring...

Exhibit A

I wanted to order their french toast and eggs special (with coffee and juice) and then order a side of sausage. The combo of just french toast and eggs was eight dollars, a side of sausage was four dollars. Four dollars for sausage links. Four dollars. Until this diner, the most expensive side of sausage I've seen was two dollars and fifty cents. I guess having a building painted like a '50s Chevy made the Marlton Diner feel entitled to overcharge it's customers. Now that I've gotten that off my chest I must admit that they seated us rather quickly for showing up on a busy Saturday morning, and our waitress was very patient with our slightly indecisive party. The atmosphere was pleasant enough with classic diner feel and booths packed with families and old timers, the Marlton Diner clearly has their own set of regulars.

French Toast with Four Dollar Sausage

With good company at the table our food seemed to come out fairly quickly. Three pieces of french toast bordered by four sausage links. I'm a butter and syrup man, so I slathered up the slices and went to work. Let me tell you, this french toast was good enough to stand up by itself and I would go back to the Marton Diner just to order a short stack. There were three things that made this french toast better than other diners. The first key for yumminess is thickness of the bread. Most diners advertise super think slices of Texas toast. Well, that means the egg won't be able to get to the middle of the bread (there's a surface area to volume ratio theory that is important for diffusion) and that means half of what your eating is a core of warm bread. Marlton used more than Wonder Bread, but they didn't over do it, which made their french toast one hundred percent french toast. The second high point of their french toast was the perfection of "toasting." The Marlton Diner made sure that the outside reached it's nice golden brown exterior without overcooking the middle of the french toast remained soft, moist and delicious. The third golden start I'm going to give them is for not skimping me on butter. The amount of butter they gave us looked like miniature fluffy clouds. As for the sausage (the four dollar sausage) it was mediocre. Nothing about it screamed "I'm better than Jimmy Dean!" which solidified my previous statement, I would come back to get just the short stack of french toast.

Additional notes:
Apparently the Marlton Diner doubles as a museum and contains an antique cash register and jukebox, but don't touch them. Also, they sell giant, soft chocolate-chip cookies, buy one. The place was family-friendly full of Halloween decorations with clean, dry booths. If you can get over the $4.00 a side thing, might be worth a trip.

All Sides are Four Dollars

Like Mean Girls, being popular comes with rules. No subsituting your potatoes for fruit cups (waitress denied Chris's mother), or sharing (unless you want to pay $2.00 a plate), and always, always wear pink on Fridays.

Calorie Counting is No Way to Live

Hamilton Family Diner

What a weekend! Chi and I just finished our first ballroom competition of the season (with mixed results) so, naturally, we were hungry. Guess what happened next? Yup, Chi plugged diner into the TomTom and we were off to Trenton. This gem (giving my verdict up early) is located on Nottingham Way just off of exit 63 on 295. We rolled in at around eight thirty at night and I honestly was unsure if it was open. It was a Saturday, the lights didn't seem to bright, there weren't too many cars in the parking lot, and at first I couldn't see anyone inside. The door was unlocked and we were seated at a booth near the front door.

More Chicken Salad than Anticipated

We were exhausted and I was in the need for something home made, fast, and fulfilling. I bounced between entrees for a while, "should I get the fish and chips or the chicken cordon bleu?" Then I saw that double decker sandwiches came with fries, slaw, a pickle, soup, and dessert for six bucks. Sold. They had chicken salad and I was all in. The fries were fried nicely and had a crispy exterior, and after a long day I was happy to know they had just been taken out of the fryer. The sandwich definitely stole the show on my plate. Besides the obvious chicken salad the sandwich was also packed with thick bacon and fresh crispy lettuce and tomato. For the chicken, think of a double scoop sized portion, that's how stuffed the sandwich was. I opted for rye bread without asking what my options were, but I'm sure the diner has the standard white and wheat bread as well. I was mostly impressed with the price of my meal since the chicken salad itself, although delicious, was not the best I've tasted. While the chicken taste was there, the texture of the salad was very pasty, and I'm from the school of chunky chicken salad. Because of the pastiness, I couldn't help being suspicious of how much my chicken salad was actually chicken and not filler. I'll let you go and get back to me with your opinion.

Chocolate Ice Cream, We Think

As for dessert, the selection is nothing to brag about. Just a couple of weeks ago, Chi and I were at the Club Diner on the Black Horse Pike and we had pie included on our ticket price! Pie! This time, our options were pudding, jell-o, and ice cream. Wahh Wahh Wahhhh. I went with chocolate ice cream. It was weird, there was something off about it, like it was aged ice cream with possible freezer burn. I ate half of  mine, but if it wasn't for the long weekend I'm sure I would have only given it a taste.

Sleepy Sleepy Sleepy

I know we have been to a sleepy diner before (see our Red Oak Diner and Bakery post) but this one was truly sad. Considering the fact that it was prime-time dinner time on a Saturday night when we visited, there was no one there. For the duration of our 45-minute meal nobody came. Three employees occupied the forlorn (but clean) space, checking their phones, taking multiple smoke breaks and eating food they created for themselves. The one who waited on us was friendly enough, and was kind enough to brew us fresh coffee...but I assume only because there was none already made. I always worry about the financial stability of diners, and I would be more sympathetic to the Hamilton Family Diner if it wasn't for the fact that they looked as if they couldn't care less.

Cream of Broccoli

It's a shame because the quality of their food is actually better than average, despite their appearance. Both Chris and I opted for the soup option of our meals, and we both picked cream of broccoli which seemed like the healthy option. Turns out it was pretty tasty too! Temperature wise, it was kind of complacently warm, but it was truly creamy and hearty, like a chowder should be, with a healthy amount of broccoli bits.

Somewhere Beneath the Chips is Fish

I convinced Chris to let me have the fish and chips, and I'm really thankful he did. This was the flakiest, softest fried-fish I've ever tasted. It fell apart like tongue-burning butter, almost like a halibut would as opposed to the typical cod. I waited for a chance to ask someone about it, but our waitress made herself virtually unavailable until I lost interest. I hear that this is how the West Coast does fish and chips, but I need someone to confirm this. Delicious, hot, and with a good amount on the plate, I really couldn't ask for more. The tartar sauce was strange, almost as if it had been over-dressed with extra dill, perhaps a hint of mint, and ultimately distracting to the fish rather than enhancing.


Also, note that they have a very unoriginal and limited scope on the idea of 'sides'. I was asked what sides I wanted and before I could really reply, our waitress suggested that I just get double-fries. Yummy, but you know, not what I need with a meal that already, by default, consists of half a plate of them. I later found out through evesdropping that their sides for the night were broccoli, carrots, or mixed veggies. Um, yeah...not so much.

Additional notes:
I had half of my sandwich as leftover two days later, and it was still delicious. The exterior looks like a Christmas tree. Seriously.

Fa la la la la, la la la la

Stratford Diner

Finding ourselves with a free Saturday morning (less a product of our eased schedules and more of our internal clocks not letting us sleep in on the weekends), Chris and I decided to head to see if the Stratford Diner could settle our rumbling tummies. It’s located in Stratford on the White Horse Pike (Route 30).

I bought a paper and sat down as I listened to other patrons chat lively about some cat with two faces that was in the Courier Post (a local Cherry Hill-based publication). Our warm waitress soon greeted us and our dining experience begun!

"Two Eggs" Special

As far as straightforward breakfast experiences go, I think this was pretty much a standard to which others could be judged. I remember thinking, like Goldilocks, this coffee is not too hot, and it’s not too cold! Besides being just a smidge pricey compared to other Philadelphia suburb diners (except for maybe Ponzios), their options were pretty standard. I opted to go big or go home, ordering their “Two Eggs” special: 2 eggs (over medium), toast, hash browns (well-done) and then a short stack of their advertised pumpkin hotcakes. Tis the season, you know. My eggs weren’t done enough, which is a common problem. I suppose each cook in the back must have some personal perception of when an egg is truly at its different stages…I want to take a survey with pictures, a la “Classify these eggs! Easy, Medium, or Hard?”

Pumpkin Hot Cakes

My pieces of toast were well buttered and not too toasted, as I find can be a problem when you request wheat. My hash browns were decent, but not quite texturally satisfying or buttery enough to write home about. And lastly, I tackled my pumpkin hotcakes. I’m not a fan of pancakes, but I am of pumpkin, so I went into it really wanting some pumpkin flavor to shine through. It didn’t strike me as especially flavorful, until I tried Chris’s regular buttermilk pancakes for comparison. I definitely preferred mine, even if it didn’t initially strike me as tasty.

While I could say I had a good meal, I can’t quite say it was particularly memorable or enjoyable. Just that it was very satisfactory, and that I would go back. Perhaps my meal was dampened by a family sitting directly behind me that were awing and ga-ga goo-goo-ing over a baby boy dressed in all Phillies gear and being bounced around to various waitresses, including ours.

"Hungry Man" Special

Chi's meal might have been satisfactory, but mine was just below satisfactory. The real highlight of the experience (for me) was our waitress who (yes, she did get distracted by a baby) took the initiative to save me a couple of bucks. I went with my standard as well (it was the morning) and ordered two eggs over medium, home fries (no with onion, green pepper, and American cheese), and sausage. Go big or go home was apparently the mantra of the morning so I ordered a short stack of hot cakes as well. What can I say? I was craving them. What I didn't notice was that there was a "Hungry Man" breakfast entree, which was everything I ordered, plus coffee, and sans coffee. She walked back to the table after recalling the menu and let me know of the price difference. I took her suggestion and she ended up keeping two dollars in my pocket.

Buttermilk Hot Cakes

Let me start with the hot cakes. Unfortunately these three (beautiful) hot cakes were a bit on the overcooked, chewy side. They ended up being too dense with no fluffiness to support them. Needless to say they were a letdown and after taking a bite of Chi's pumpkin hot cakes I realized how much better hers were. In comparison, mine were bland. My eggs seemed to come out a little more well done than Chi's even though I also ordered mine medium. The second letdown of the meal was my sausages and bacon. It's hard to really describe the taste of the sausage, sausage-y I suppose, but it had a sour background that was just out of place. I ended up only taking one bite of the second link and decided I couldn't finish. The bacon definitely tasted better but it was in between being crispy and chewy and ended up with a hard rubber texture. The home fries were good, but like stated above, there seemed to be a textural issue. They came out extra crispy in some places making them a little hard to eat. However, I still recommend throwing the onion, pepper, and cheese into your home fries from now on.

Interior

Someone remind us to come back here sooner rather than later, otherwise it may call into that awkward, likeable but not desirable realm of restaurants a.k.a. the friend-zone of diners.

In other news, GO PHILLIES!